A Starlit Summer Page 20

  There was a reason she felt this disconcerted and unsure about everything. There’d been moments over the past few years where she’d questioned what she was doing particularly when she’d landed certain roles – the hooker who was murdered in a back street; the clubber grinding against a semi-naked man; the babysitter who seduced the dad. She got those roles because she looked the way she did. That had been playing on her mind all weekend. From a young age friends had told her she had what it took to be a model, but apart from dabbling in modelling to pay her way through drama school, acting was what she’d wanted to do – at least what she thought she wanted to do. Those roles allowed her to at least play a character, not a version of herself.

  Jenna stood up and wiped away the sand stuck to her shorts. She knew what she needed to do. The stress she’d felt over the last couple of weeks had manifested itself this weekend in worry about herself, about what her family would think about the choices she was making. Her parents’ friends who’d known her since she was little would be able to watch her on TV ‘parading about in a bikini’. Her friends would all have their own opinion – those who supported her, and those who would sneer and gossip about her ‘selling out’, swapping serious acting roles for reality TV. But actually it didn’t matter what anyone else thought as it was her choice to make. What had finally occurred to her, while sitting on an empty beach staring out at the wide endless sea, was how she really felt about that choice.

  The tension in her chest built up again on the drive back, but by the time she turned into Bramble Cottage’s drive her pounding heart had slowed. It was almost dark, the sun was low on the horizon, the trees edging the garden silhouetted against the softening scarlet, amber and gold light. She grabbed her overnight bag from the boot and walked to the front of the cottage, her trainers crunching on the gravel the only sound apart from the soft cooing of wood pigeons. It was funny, considering how desperate she’d been to leave just over forty-eight hours earlier, she was so glad to come back. It felt like home.

  The moment she got inside, closed the front door and turned on the kitchen light, tiredness and hunger washed over her. It had been a long day, driving all that way, followed by the detour to the beach. She couldn’t be bothered to cook anything, and her earlier dream of a Sunday roast would remain just that; she wasn’t going to go out again. She ate a bowl of cereal and watched Live at the Apollo but even that failed to make her laugh. She forced herself to not look at Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. She contemplated texting Finn but had no clue what to actually say, so she switched off her mobile.

  However much Jenna wanted to make her decision permanent, it was far too late to phone her agent, particularly to give her bad news on a Sunday evening. Instead she went to bed and slept fitfully, with the thought that it was her last week of filming and she was about to turn down potentially the biggest opportunity of her life.

  ~

  Jenna made the phone call on her hands free while driving to base the next morning. Beth wasn’t even in work yet, and they ended up having to hold the conversation while on her commute into central London.

  ‘I know I’m supposed to sign the contract for The Love Hotel when I’m back in London next week, but I can’t. I’ve thought long and hard about this, but I can’t be on the show. I don’t want the scrutiny, I don’t want to be talked about and pulled apart in the media in the way I have over the last couple of weeks. I’m so sorry, Beth. It’s just not for me, however much an opportunity it may be career-wise. I’m not going to commit to something when it feels so wrong.’

  The disappointment in her agent’s voice was obvious. Ultimately Jenna knew it was her decision to make, and yet she couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was letting down herself, her agent, her friends, her ambition, even Milo bloody Blake for giving her the opportunity to begin with, however twisted that seemed. Yes, it was her life, her career, yet it also meant Beth losing out on fifteen per cent of a huge pay cheque. It was her agent’s career too. Maybe she was foolish. So many well-meaning friends had told her to jump at the chance and take the money. Who knew what opportunities that sort of high profile exposure would lead to? She’d been trying to live by the mantra of saying yes to everything even if it terrified her, but this opportunity had left her with a feeling of vulnerability. Being plastered over the front of Hot Now Magazine she’d experienced that kind of exposure and didn’t like it one bit.

  Jenna clenched her fists, drew in a deep breath and expelled it slowly. She didn’t like letting people down, particularly Beth who’d worked so hard to get her to where she was in her career, but she couldn’t ignore her gut feeling. Whether she ended up regretting her decision in weeks or even years to come, she knew it was the right one to make. At least it was for now.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ‘I can’t believe it’s our last week.’ Lily sat down with a thump opposite Jenna and Amanda, making her plate of Moroccan chicken and couscous jump a little on the tray. ‘I’m going to miss everything about it, the place, the filming, the cast and crew, but most of all you guys.’

  ‘We’ll all be back in London next week; we can still see each other. Friends forever, right?’ Jenna put her hand in the middle of the table and laughing, Amanda and Lily put theirs on top.

  ‘Too right, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily.’ Lily winked.

  ‘You are both staying until the end of the week though?’ Amanda bit into an apple. ‘I’m gutted I’m wrapping before you both,’ she said through a mouthful of fruit.

  ‘Well I’m wrapping tomorrow so it’s only one extra day. When do you finish again, Jen?’

  ‘Friday.’

  Three more days of filming and then that would be it, her summer on a movie in Cornwall would be over and she’d be heading back to the smog and noise of London.

  ‘Can I join you?’

  Apart from the familiarity of her voice, it was the waft of Marc Jacobs Daisy Dream perfume that let Jenna know it was Heidi standing behind her. She caught a knowing glance between Lily and Amanda.

  ‘If you like.’ Jenna motioned to the empty chair next to her.

  Heidi put her plate on the table and sat next to Jenna. She opened the ring pull on her can of Diet Coke.

  Their easy conversation had stopped, and Jenna could tell from Lily and Amanda’s expressions that they were at a loss at what to say. To make it even more awkward all they now needed was Milo to join them.

  ‘I wrap this afternoon,’ Heidi said, digging a fork into her chicken salad. ‘I’ve got a costume fitting and an audition in London on Thursday. Thought this might be the last chance we get to talk.’

  ‘Okay then, so talk.’ Jenna didn’t feel like making polite conversation with Heidi; but if she wanted to say something then she wasn’t going to stop her.

  ‘I miss talking to you, Jenna. I miss knowing what’s going on in your life...’

  ‘Everyone knows what’s going on in my life. It’s been splashed all over the internet.’

  ‘I mean what’s really going on with you.’

  Jenna caught Lily’s eye from across the table. ‘There’s nothing going on besides working on this film and being at the cottage. That’s it, that’s my life – until I go home on the weekend. Then it’s back to the endless cycle of auditions, castings, meetings, filming, promo. Rinse, repeat. You know the drill.’ She moved the couscous around her plate, her appetite gone.

  Lily started talking to Amanda, giving Heidi the chance to lean closer to Jenna. ‘I know you’ve not forgiven me for the Bond thing, but are you okay about me and Milo? I really don’t want our friendship to be strained any more than it...’

  ‘Are you serious?’ Jenna turned to face her. She lowered her voice, even with the amount of background chatter and Lily and Amanda no longer listening in, she was aware of so many people surrounding them. ‘You set me up – the other evening at the hotel, you knew there’d be a photographer there, knew they’d be taking photos of us.’

  ‘I didn’t
know that was going to happen, honestly I didn’t.’ She placed her hand on Jenna’s arm. She was still wearing the oversized silver ring Jenna had given her for her twenty-first birthday.

  ‘Really? You had nothing to do with it?’

  Heidi’s eyes dropped from Jenna’s. ‘It wasn’t my idea. Milo had been talking about you and he kinda suggested that we should meet up, get all our past shit out in the open. It was something I’d been meaning to do anyway. I don’t want us to be like this, act like strangers and never talk.’

  ‘Well, you’ve been going about making amends in totally the wrong way, Heidi. All I see is you putting your career first, every single time. It’s the reason you’re cosying up to Milo, despite thinking he was with me.’

  Heidi shook her head. ‘You’ve got that wrong. Don’t forget, I know you, Jen. I knew you weren’t into Milo. Yeah he’s good looking but he’s not your type.’

  ‘And what’s he been saying to you? That I’m not interested in him or simply that he likes you more?’

  ‘He’s the biggest flirt on the planet, Jenna. He flirted with you, he’s flirting with me. He flirts with everyone. You’re not actually with him and I’m single, so there’s no problem, is there?’

  ‘So, if you’re heading home tomorrow, is whatever you’re supposed to have with Milo over?’

  ‘Nope, I’m coming back on Friday, going to stay until the end of the shoot and then head back to London.’

  ‘And so what’s the actual deal with you and Milo? Are you sleeping with him?’ Jenna held her gaze, wondering if she was going to lie to her about that as well.

  ‘Does it really matter if I am or not?’

  Jenna bit her lip. She had no clue if Heidi knew if Milo was gay. And how far would he take things to make the press believe his cover story? After all he really had kissed Heidi. Jenna sighed, it wasn’t her problem. Heidi was a big girl; she could deal with Milo Blake on her own.

  ‘I hear you’ve said no to The Love Hotel.’

  Jenna swung back to Heidi. ‘How the hell do you know?’

  ‘Tabitha told me.’ She glanced sideways at Jenna and stuck her fork in a piece of chicken. ‘Our agents talk, Jen. They work in the same flipping office. Are you sure you don’t want to do it?’

  ‘I’m certain; the relief I felt once I told Beth was immense.’

  ‘We could have been on it together. How much fun would that be?’

  ‘You’re doing it?’ Jenna shook her head. ‘I should have known.’

  ‘Not for definite, no. Tabitha’s setting up a meeting with the producers. She’s convinced they’ll be gutted that you’ve pulled out...’

  ‘And let me guess, she’s going to sell you as the alternative; Milo’s new fling; a sexy blonde actress.’ Jenna threw her fork down on her half-finished plate of food. ‘Oh Heidi, I really hope you know what you’re doing.’

  ~

  Jenna thought she knew Heidi. They’d clicked from the minute they’d met at drama school, and instead of being rivals they’d become firm friends. But when she really thought back on their friendship, there had been signs of a rivalry from early on. Just little things in the way Heidi would draw attention to herself – if they were both wearing skirts, Heidi’s would be shorter; if they found themselves among a group of blokes on a night out, Heidi would be louder and flirt more. Jenna had always put it down to personality – despite them both being drama students, Heidi was more outgoing, the attention seeker. And over the years, despite Carla being the opposite of both her and Heidi, Jenna realised now they’d built a stronger bond. She was dependable and straightforward. Maybe it was easier because being so different there never was any risk of rivalry. She also knew that Carla fancied Heidi. It was the big boobs and big personality, and even if she fancied Jenna, she hid it well, knowing that their friendship came first and she didn’t want to ruin that.

  Jenna had no clue how she and Heidi were ever going to repair their friendship, or if they ever would. Without a doubt their relationship had changed and the closeness they once had was gone forever. She was relieved when Heidi was wrapped that afternoon and on her way back to London. She was one less thing to contend with. The remaining days ticked by, the countdown to the end, and there were tears when each of the cast wrapped. The end of the summer brought the end of an unforgettable few weeks’ filming.

  It was also her last chance with Finn. Since he’d gutted the fireplace, the dirty, dust-filled room had been stripped bare and cleaned, the walls had been plastered and an undercoat had been put on. With early call times all week she’d been out before Finn and Gary arrived in the morning and got back after they’d left, the only evidence they’d been at the cottage the smell of wet paint.

  On Thursday she was unexpectedly wrapped early and with her heart beating in anticipation of catching Finn before he left, she drove straight back to the cottage. The van was still in the drive. Jenna parked next to it and walked up the path. She wondered if Finn would be on his own, but wasn’t sure if she’d prefer Gary to be here or not. She faltered outside the open front door, took a deep breath, strode in and collided with Gary.

  ‘Sorry, Jenna, didn’t mean to walk right into you.’ He motioned towards the living room. ‘Finn’s in there; I’m just getting something from the van.’ He gave her a knowing smile, brushed past her and disappeared out of the front door.

  Jenna took another deep breath. Now she had to talk to Finn.

  She walked over to the living room and hovered in the doorway. There was a massive improvement from the week before. The room was bright and clean and old sheets covered what little furniture there was. Finn had his back to her, painting the wall to the left of the opened-up fireplace.

  ‘Hey there,’ she said quietly. ‘I wrapped early. Was hoping to catch you before you finished.’

  Finn slapped the remainder of paint on the wall and turned to her.

  The frown on his face made her falter.

  ‘I, um... I was er, really hoping we could talk. Maybe go out for a drink...’

  ‘Jenna, what’s the point? Aren’t you leaving soon?’

  ‘Saturday.’

  ‘Well, then, what more’s there to say? You messed me around just like every other girl. You’re leaving in a couple of days. End of.’ He dipped the brush into the Farrow and Ball paint her parents had chosen called Sudbury Yellow, and turned his back on her again.

  ‘And you’re being a dick, you realise that right?’ she muttered as she left the room.

  She wanted to scream in frustration at his inability to allow her to talk. But he was right when he’d said what was the point. It was back to real life next week. It was the briefest of summer flings that had ended in tears before it had really started, and all she was left with was the memory of watching him work on the cottage and two blissful days together.

  ~

  ‘And that’s a wrap for Jenna!’

  Cast and crew clapped as the director shook Jenna’s hand. She could only imagine the wrench of leaving a long-running series; she’d been working on the film for eight weeks, a short time in the scheme of things, yet it felt a monumental time in her life. Part of her was relieved it was over, the other part was anxious about the future. She had a casting for another film the week she got back, and then the following week she was jetting off to Ibiza to film an advert for a travel company – both off the back of the made-up feature about her and Milo. But then of course, once the gossip about them died down, it would be back to the endless cycle of auditions, luck and looking right for the part. She’d turned down the biggest opportunity she’d ever had – financially at least – so next year, instead of a huge job waiting for her, her diary was pretty empty.

  It wasn’t the final day of filming, just the last day of filming for her, and as she walked from the minibus back to the costume tent, everything was continuing as normal with a handful of crew grabbing a late lunch and extras in costume getting on another minibus to take them to location. Apart from Milo and a couple of t
he other principal actors, most people had finished, and so there was a wrap party at the hotel later.

  ~

  Jenna arrived at the hotel fashionably late. A taxi dropped her off and she’d already booked one to take her home later – she needed to drink tonight, let her hair down and celebrate the end of a crazy few weeks. She wasn’t sure if the party was taking place inside or out, so she made her way to the bar first. It was pretty empty apart from a middle-aged couple not associated with the film, and Timothy ordering a drink. He spotted her and waved her over.

  ‘What you having, Jenna?’

  ‘Oh, a gin and tonic for me, please.’ She joined him up at the bar.

  ‘You’re not driving tonight then?’

  ‘No way; I feel like I deserve to celebrate.’

  ‘You and me both.’ He passed her the gin, handed the barman a note, picked up his beer and knocked it against Jenna’s glass. ‘To the end of filming.’

  ‘I can’t believe it’s over – well for us at least.’

  ‘Tell me about it.’ He slid off the bar stool. ‘Everyone else is outside.’

  They walked out together, back into the beautiful August evening. The light was beginning to fade, the sky clear and starlit, the air warm. Among the cast and crew, Jenna spotted Lily and Amanda on the other side of the terrace. She was about to make her way over when Timothy put his hand on her arm.

  ‘I’ve had a chat with Milo.’ He led her to an empty table on the edge of the terrace, pulled out two chairs and they sat down.

  ‘He won’t go back on what’s already been said, I’m so sorry, Jenna. If it’s any consolation I’ve made him promise that he doesn’t mention you in the press again, at least not “romantically”. He’s got Heidi for all that now.’ Timothy looked away, a wobble in his voice as if the words were difficult to say.